7teen: Marriage Wars
by Dakari-King Mykan
Summary: S2EP20: Who is the cutest married couple of the characters, is it Jonesy & Nikki, or the newleyweds Jude & Starr? Well that's what they're going to fight, prank, and go at each other about and the others get caught in the middle. This could UGLY!
1. Intro: Bliss of Marriage

**INTRO**

Jude was over at Vegan Island flirting with his new wife, Starr. "I think you're really hot today." He would say, and to which is wife would respond with nerdy talk "And your complement is on a great level appreciated with the highest percentage of my affections."

"Huh…?" Jude would remark, and Starr moved in closer and removed her glasses "…I love you too." she said. Her husband smiled and they kissed very deeply.

Far across at the lemon Caitlin and Jen couldn't stop ogling at how cute and sweet they looked. "Jude is so lucky." cried Caitlin.

"Yeah, so lucky he hardly has time for us anymore." Jonesy complained.

"Cut him a break." Jen said "He just wants to spend with Starr, and he should."

"Besides…" I pointed out "You and Nikki flirted constantly when after your wedding."

"What?" snapped Nikki "We did not."

"Sure, like the time I caught you guys making out at McFlipsters…" Wyatt said "Or the time we all went to the movies and you two didn't remember a thing because you didn't even look at the screen."

I remembered just a couple of days ago, I had gone out form my coffee break, and I came back to Comic Cavern to find them naked in my storage closet. I rubbed my eyes behind my shades "Those images still haunt me." I said.

Nikki and Jonesy withdrew their response "What can we say?" Jonesy as he gazed into his wife's eyes "You just don't understand the joys of marriage."

Nikki moved in to kiss him, "Ain't it the truth." she said and they boy went at each other right in front of us. This time, even Caitlin and Jen thought it was a bit too much. "Why don't we… uh… head off a bit, just the four of us." Jen suggested, and we all quietly crept away leaving Jonesy and Nikki to their own work.

**_Intro Theme_**

**_Jonesy… Caitlin… Wyatt… Jen… Jude… Nikki… Mykan_**

**_Jonesy… Caitlin… Wyatt… Jen… Jude… Nikki… Mykan_**

_Now that we're through with school  
we get to make all the rules  
spend more time with all my friends  
always hangin' together in a place where we grew up!_

_I'm 7teen…  
I have found my own way  
I love my job, and I live at the mall today  
And I am on my own now and forever_

_I'm… 7teen._  
_Life was sweet_  
_though we grew up way too fast_  
_Still, the memories will last_

**_Jonesy… Caitlin… Wyatt… Jen… Jude… Nikki… Mykan_**

**_Jonesy… Caitlin… Wyatt… Jen… Jude… Nikki… Mykan_**

**_1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6…_**

_I'm 7teen… 7…TEEN_

_Still, the memories will last._

**_Jonesy… Caitlin… Wyatt… Jen… Jude… Nikki… Mykan_**

**_7TEEN!_**


	2. Who's Cuter?

**CHAPTER ONE**

After a while it felt okay to come back to the lemon, Jude and Starr joined us. "You two all tuckered out yet?" I asked teasingly, Jude and Starr chuckled at the joke. "I'm really gettin' into this whole married thing." Jude said

"Join the club, bro." Jonesy said "We married men have to stick it together." and he and Jude slapped a high-five. Nikki and Starr gazed at each other and Nikki chuckled "Some things never change when it comes to guys."

Jen was happy for the couples but she couldn't help but feel insanely jealous at times, noticeable by her crumpling her napkin while twitching. "Uh, oh… I think she's getting ready to blow again." Wyatt said.

Caitlin couldn't blame her, sometimes she often dreamed of being married too, but she didn't let it get to her as much as Jen and merely whipped Jen up one of her extremely sour slushes. So sour, it made you forget your troubles in an instant. "Thanks…!" Jen said with her cheeks sucked in "I need this."

"It's okay if you're feeling jealous." Jonesy said "Being around the best married couple in the mall, you have a right."

"Yeah! Starr and I may be the best, but it's all cool." Jude said. Jonesy and Nikki blinked their eyes once in slight shock. "Um… I think he was talking about me and Jonesy." Nikki said.

Now Jude and Starr blinked "Um… Jude and I are the best in the mall. Everyone says so."

"What are you talking about?" snapped Jonesy "It's me and Nikki all the way. We've been the number one couple even long before we were a couple."

"Dude, if you weren't a couple yet you can't actually call yourself a couple until you were a couple." Jude said.

Back and forth the couples went talking at each other and protesting, the rest of us kept moving our heads back and for the like watching a tennis match, but soon things started getting real as their voices got higher and angrier. "You two broke up when Nikki moved away for a year." growled Jude.

"We had a long distance relationship!" snapped Nikki.

"Long distance relationships never work out. It's a mathematical impossibility." Starr sneered.

"Hey! Don't you talk to my wife like that!" spat Jonesy.

"Dude! Don't you talk to mine like that either!" snapped Jude.

We finally couldn't take any more of this and tried to break them up. "Who cares who the better married couple is?" Wyatt asked.

"Aren't you guys going a little over the top here?" I added, but the couples didn't even take notice of us, and ultimately decided to let the people of the mall decide who the better married couple was; starting with us! "Oh, no! Don't you get us involved!" snapped Jen.

"Fine! We don't need your help anyway!" snapped Nikki and she and Jonesy headed off, and Jude and Starr went off in the opposite direction, but gave the rest of us an angry glare as they left.

"Wow!" cried Caitlin "I have a bad feeling things are going to take a turn for the worst."

We all agreed on that. We had to think of someway to break this up before someone got hurt.

Jen and Wyatt would deal with Jonesy and Nikki while Caitlin and I would watch over Jude and Starr. "Say… just a thought." I said sounding curious "Do you think we really could've decided between them?"

In all honestly, not one of us really knew who the cuter couple was. After all, this was Jonesy and Nikki, and Jude and Star we were dealing with, and sometimes even Wyatt and I

"Welcome to the Khaki barn. Have a Khaki day." Jonesy said to customers entering the store. Krissy hired him to be the store greeter, mostly to just to keep Nikki preoccupied so she wouldn't be such a pain, to which Nikki didn't actually care, but she was still a little steamed with Jude and Starr. "Ah, what do they know?" Jonesy scoffed "They'll come back and apologize when they realize that I'm right."

For once, Nikki actually sided with him for his hair-brained saying as she sauntered up to her husband and snuggled into his arms. The Clones couldn't help but go "Aw…!" at the cute scene, but suddenly, Jude zipped past. "Dudes!" he sneered like a bully and stopped before them.

"If you came to apologize, we accept." Jonesy said.

"As if." Jude said "Take a look at what I got…" he handed them a clipboard. Nikki and Jonesy looked at it and it turned out "You're actually getting the opinion of others who the best couple is?" asked Nikki.

"Sure am." Jude said "Starr's also got a great pitch goin' on."

Starr actually lectured her customers on the pros and cons of the two relationships like a physics teacher. While initially they didn't understand her due to her nerdy talk, and using big words, but plenty of them agreed that she and Jude were a definite cute couple, but there were others who did think Jonesy and Nikki were cute too.

Caitlin and I had tried to talk to Starr, but all she did was go off more about how much support she and Jude were getting, and how much we could hardly disagree by the fact that they did have many more pros than cons.

"So far Starr and I are in the lead." Jude said "Guess you should apologize to us then."

"Oh, it is so on!" Jonesy sneered.

"Totally!" Nikki agreed.

"Dude!" snapped Jude and he skated off, just as Wyatt and Jen came by, and they could tell by the way he was skating that things didn't do well. "So, what's up?" Wyatt asked nervously.

"Not what's up-" Jonesy said "What's down, and Jude and Starr are headed just that way."

Jen and Wyatt glimpsed at one another and Jen regretted to ask "Uh… what are you guys going to do."

Nikki picked up a simple cardboard folding plate for shirts and slowly tore it in half down the middle as she sinisterly said "We… are going… to break them!" She and Jonesy snickered wickedly like evil criminals, and Wyatt and Jen saw this as their cue to run.


	3. Pranking Time

**CHAPTER TWO**

Wyatt Caitlin Jen and I went to Comic Cavern to hold our meting and give our reports. Caitlin and I hardly understood what Starr said except that more people were leaning towards her and Jude, but we both became worried when we heard Wyatt and Jen tell us that Nikki said _"We're going to break them."_

"When Nikki says those words, there's going to be trouble." said Caitlin. "And I mean super-duper pranking trouble."

I suddenly remembered something, but every time I tried to say another word, the others cut me off…

"If those guys start pranking each other, someone's really going to get hurt." Wyatt said.

"We're going to have to keep a closer eye on them every second. We can't let any pranks go on them." Jen stated, and while we all agreed, I finally lost my patience and snapped "Are you about done with this discussion?! Starr said she and Jude we're meeting out for lunch! What better place to get them?"

The others realized this and they ran out of my store just like that leaving me behind "Hey, wait for me!" and I dashed off after them.

Jude and Starr gathered their food and ate at table in the food-court, a big plate full of fries, and two burgers each. Both of them didn't realize that Nikki and Jonesy were peeking from behind the trashcans, eyeing them closely and nodded at one another getting ready to spring their prank.

Nikki then crept near the area with all the extra condiments, and knowing Jude and Starr loved a little extra salt on their fries, she exchanged the only salt shaker left for a special one she had filled with white sand. Then she quickly ducked back behind the garbage cans.

The problem was one of the fat nerdy guys came along needing extra salt on his hero sandwich. "I specifically told that man to salt this sandwich."

"Oh, no!" groaned Jonesy as he and Nikki saw the nerdy man put the sand all over his sandwich and bite it. "Hmm, doesn't taste very good with salt." The man simply said and left, leaving the shaker where it was. "Whew." Jonesy and Nikki sighed in relief. That's when Jude got up and headed to the counter. He got ketchup and vinegar packets, but he didn't take the shaker much to their confusion. Jude got back to his table and pulled out a salt shaker he always carried around with him. "It's not like anyone else carries their own seasonings." he said.

Nikki and Jonesy couldn't believe Jude actually did such a thing. "So much for our sandy shaker…" Nikki grumbled.

The gang and I came along, and we saw Jude and Starr about to eat, unaware that Nikki and Jonesy's prank backfired, and not even seeing them, the first thing that came to our minds was Jude's own salt shaker was probably booby trapped and he was just about to sprinkle it over the fries. "Jude, No!" cried Jen and she dashed over and leapt up straight him, knocking the salt out of his hand, but also knocking the tray of fries all over Starr, and the salt shaker went flying through the air, hit the back of the garbage can shattering and spilling the salt all over Jonesy and Nikki.

The two of them leapt up and screamed in shock. Wyatt Caitlin and I winced in shock at how horribly things already looked, Jonesy and Nikki sprinkled with salt, and Starr had small specks of grease all over her clothes. Jude was outraged at Jen for knocking the fries on his wife, but he and Starr were soon laughing when they realized Jonesy and Nikki covered in salt, and they walked away to get cleaned up.

Nikki and Jonesy were ticked, but more at Jen than at Jude and Starr. "Why couldn't you have just stayed out of our way?" Nikki spat.

"Our prank would've worked if you guys hadn't shown up." added Jonesy "And if Jude hadn't brought his own shaker."

Before any of us could say anything, Nikki and Jonesy headed off to think of another prank, leaving us to clean up the mess, and poor Jen, she was covered in ketchup stains and grease spots, and passersby were laughing at her.

After we finished cleaning up, poor Jen had zipped herself up inside of her, still stained, sports jacket "That was the most embarrassing moment of my life!" she cried.

We all felt bad for Jen, but now we had to think of where Jonesy and Nikki would strike next, and what if Jude and Starr got the idea of pranking them back.

"I think Jude might…" Wyatt said "But Starr's a smart girl, she wouldn't do that. Would she?"

Nerdy or not, Starr was already springing a revenge prank on Jonesy. She called the Khaki barn and used an old voice synthesizer she had to make her sound like Jonesy on the phone.

"Hello, welcome to the Khaki Barn…" Krissy said

_"Hello Krissy."_ Starr said with a voice like Jonesy's _"Just calling to say that I don't really like this job at all, and that you can fire me the minute I come back."_

"Uh… why should I just fire you like that?" Krissy asked.

_"Because if you don't I'll ask Nikki to put salt in the clothing on display."_

Krissy gasped "You wouldn't?!"

"Eww…!" cried Kirsten "There's bits of salt in these sweaters."

"And on the floor too!" cried Kristen.

The bits of salt lead all the way to the employee washroom where Nikki was getting cleaned up. She came out gloating that she was salt free, and Krissy looked like she about to explode! That's when Jonesy came right along after cleaning himself in the men's room down the mall. He ran right into Krissy as he was about to enter the store. "Hey, Krissy, what up?" he asked.

"You…! You're… FIRED…!" Krissy screeched right in his face, then she turned to face Nikki "And you too! Get out! Out! OUT…!"

"What? What did I do?" Nikki asked, but she quickly ran for it when she saw all three of The Clones glaring at her like snarling bulls ready to charge, and she ran for it.

"What was that all about?" asked Jonesy, but suddenly their phones rang with texts form Jude and Starr which said _"Cutest Couple 1: Jonesy and Nikki: Zippo!"_

Now Jonesy and Nikki looked ready to explode, and together they said _"This… Means… WAR…!"_


	4. Forceful Marriage Counseling!

**CHAPTER THREE**

Nikki explained to Krissy what really happened, and despite having fired Nikki, she withdrew that and let her back in only because she got pranked, and she loved it when Nikki got pranked, but Jonesy was still fired.

Nikki slammed a roll of paper down on the counter which was a sketching of the entire mall, and she and Jonesy decided it was time to super payback Jude and Starr, while at the same time, Jude and Starr were doing the same thing at Vegan Island.

Over the next couple of days, things kept going from bad, to worse, to insane…! For the two couples had gone from a simple squabble to an all-out war for the title of cutest couple! Posters were hung in various places around the mall encouraging one couple and discouraging the second, and vice-versa.

Lots of people were taking this seriously like some popularity contest, forcing the votes to go either way, and worse, the two couples were starting to gather followers and supporters like some kind of cartoon fandom, at least they had more sense than to fight alongside the couples, but that wasn't the half of it…

The couples had worked hard and long on their pranks and traps, setting them up all over the mall in strategic places, and Wyatt Caitlin Jen and I kept getting caught in the midst of them from time to time.

Jude went for ride on his board, only to find it covered in super-glue, which stuck his feet to the board so he couldn't steer, and he crashed right into Wyatt spilling his coffee all over his clean clothes.

Jude quickly retaliated by switching the signs on the washrooms, so Jonesy thought he was walking into the men's room, but it turned out to be the women's, and you can be assured he got plenty smacked in the face by the many girls and women in there.

He retaliated by pranking Starr by mixing the wrong sauces at Vegan Island, so all her customers got the wagon condiments with their orders. Caitlin was one of them when she ordered a simple salad with dressing and got really hot sauce instead. She felt as if her tongue had been touched by fire.

Starr was so angry that she went after Nikki, by using her nerdy girl skills to hack into her computer files and send embarrassing emails to several guys in other towns, who all responded back with hot messages and photos.

Nikki retaliated back to Jude by waiting for him to come skating along and pushing the inventory rack in front of him, and he got a woman's bra stuck over his eyes, making it impossible for him to see, and he skated blindly all over and headed straight for Comic Cavern, just as was finishing shelving my shelves. He got the bra off his face just in time to shout out "Dude…!" as he came right at me and my shelves. "NO…!" I screamed as Jude crashed into me and my shelves spilling all my comic books and items all over me, burying me.

Jude angrily swore out loud. "Oh, that is it! They are gonna pay!" but no sooner had he got did I bust through the pile of comic books growling furiously. "This… has gone on quite… FAR… ENOUGH!" I shouted.

I pulled out my cell-phone and called the others, who were all in agreement with me. The couples were out of control and it was time to fight fire with fire!

We got together and devised a plan to trap the couples and force them to listen to us, and we even had to recruit some outside help, from Ron. As much as he didn't like us all that much, "I love a good game of war." he said, and that and he couldn't stand married couples who were fighting, and he did have a knack for helping people make-up, but above all.

Each of us called one member of the couples, and we all told them the same thing that the other was ready to apologize and admit they were wrong and wanted to meet up to publicly say it. The couples still being crazy, went right for it, and came straight to Ron's office, and before they knew it, all four of them were locked in the cell!

"Dude…! What gives?" snapped Jude.

"You better let us out of here!" growled Nikki.

"This isn't funny, man!" Jonesy sneered.

Starr pounded on the bars "If you don't let us out…!"

"All of you… SHUT YOUR POTHOLES!" Ron shouted. No one spoke or even made a move after that. "You maggots are about the sorriest excuses of married couples I've ever seen. No one really cares that much who's the cuter couple and neither should you."

The rest of us each added our own opinions to the couples. "Look at yourselves…!" snapped Wyatt "You guys may be married, but you've forgotten what you were before; friends! Our friends! Friends with each other…!"

"We used to all get along just fine, until you guys started this stupid debate." said Jen.

"That's right." I added "And what's worse, you began pranking each other, and even more badly than that, we got caught in the middle of it. You embarrassed us, and you could've really hurt someone."

"Is this what marriage is all about…?" asked Caitlin "Fighting, anger, hatred…? I don't think so. Marriage should be about love for each other, and not caring what others think. You guys are lucky to even have spouses. I envy you, and so do others, but the way you've been acting these past few days. I just don't know what to think."

The couples' anger began to fade as they each were finally beginning to realize that we were right. "Dude…"

"Jude…"

"What have we become?" Starr asked in shame.

"We put our egos ahead of our hearts. We give marriage a bad name." added Nikki.

"Well, what are you punks gonna do about now?" Ron asked "You could've lost a lot of friends and hurt a lot of people with your shenanigans."

The couples decided maybe it was best to just leave the cutest couple thing alone, and of course they apologized wholeheartedly to one another, but even more to us for making a mess of our days. It was only fair for us for forgive them as well, provided they didn't let something like this happen again.

"Now that's what I like." Ron said and unlocked the bars "No fly out of here you crazy lovebirds."

We all left the office together, and Ron smiled softly "Those maggots. They make me wish I was married."

Then he sat at his desk and pulled out a box of doughnuts, and he chewed them very slowly "Mmm, oh yes! But you sweet things are the only love I need right now."

The couples worked together to clean up the mall and get rid of any of the remaining traps they set, not to mention Starr had to fix Nikki's internet reputation from all those emails she sent.

By the time they were finished we all met up at the lemon and the couples were looking a little bushed "Cleaning the house hardly ever felt this tiring." panted Jonesy. Nikki agreed "That's why cleaning is hardly much of my business." she said.

"I'm still feelin' a bit dirty." Jude said "Y'know, from all the fighting we did."

"Never mind, Jude…" Starr said "We've learned our lesson, now we can put it behind us."

The rest of us sighed in relief, and felt that maybe things would finally get back to normal around here. Except when a few dating couples came walking by, and flirting with one another, all of them saying things like…

"You and I just make the cutest couple."

"We are so cute together."

"There's no cuter couple than us."

Our couples began to get that look in their eyes again "Who do they think they are?" snapped Jonesy.

"Not cool, man." added Jude, and the wives nodded and felt they needed to teach those wanabes a lesson. The rest of us smacked our head sin annoyance and groaned _"OH, NO…!"_ it was going to take a bit before things got back to normal again!

**_(Ending theme)_**

_I'm 7teen…  
__I have found my own way  
__I love my job and I live at the mall today.  
__And I am on my own now and forever._

_I'm 7teen… 7TEEN…!_

_Still, the memories will last._

**_Jonesy… Caitlin… Wyatt… Jen… Jude… Nikki… Mykan_**

**_"7TEEN"_**


End file.
